And The Darwin Award Goes To......

For those of you who may have read my Life With Nana Blog, you will know that she had a form of seizure and in my excitement of getting her to the emergency vet I left a pot of boiling chicken on the stove.  Now I can tell you with complete certainty that chicken will not boil for the 2.5 hours you are gone at the vet.  In fact it will create what is called a protein fire and fill your small condo with grey smoke that will rival the famous London Fogs.  This is not, I repeat not a good thing.

I knew the instant I drove up and could smell the acrid flavor of burning metal what I had done.  Opening the door, turning off the stove, taking the pot outside and opening every window and exhaust fan I had was only the beginning.  I even had a nice chat with the fire department who were called by my neighbors when the smoke began to billow out the front door and contaminate the entire neighborhood.  A couple of hours later Nana and I were able to get in the condo and I was especially grateful that I hadn't tried to boil chicken in a Teflon pan.  In spite of my best efforts, both the newt and the cat survived.  The cat who enjoys living under the bed had stayed there and had probably the best air quality available through the ordeal.  The newt is an immortal and is going on 16 years.  Someone told me they only live 4 years, but my oldest daughter got it when she was 10 or 11 years old and is now 27.  She moved out, newt stayed with me and will live forever.

Protein fires are acrid, they spew and embed every wall, carpet, and piece of clothing you own with a vile smell.  It doesn't go away.  Waking up the next morning with a headache and nausea I called the Insurance Co.  "Hi, I left a pot on the stove and it really stinks in here.  Is that Covered?"  Sounds stupid, but it is no laughing matter. The Insurance will cover.   The Fire/Smoke experts came out and issued the opinion that I needed to move out.  "This is the worst protein fire incident I've ever seen."  They brought an air scrubber which has been running every since.  Hey, you have to be special to leave a pot on fire for three hours and not notice.  The soft goods people showed up. These are the people that scoop up all your clothes, bedding, curtains, purses, shoes and stuffed animals and have them laundered, dry cleaned or O-zoned.  They said:  "This is the worst protein fire incident I've ever smelled".  Ah yea.....I've heard that before. 

It is a little weird to know that all of your clothes are being inventoried piece by piece on a computer as they get ready to clean them.  One thong, one moth eaten cashmere sweater, you get the picture. I discovered things I didn't know I had, or forgot I had.  I cleaned out the pockets of the jackets in the hall closet and got 2 pairs of glasses, 3 lipsticks, a couple of dollars, lots of dog and horse cookies and enough spare change to do several loads of laundry.  It just feels odd having someone go through every piece of clothing you own, feels far more intimate than it should - a sort of personality strip search that is forced on you. They will return a small portion of "rush" cleaning and the rest I will get back in 3 weeks.  It took five hours of sorting into different bags labeled wash, dry clean or O-zone to get my soft goods into the back of the truck.  In addition, I have yarn, lots and lots of yarn, roving, hand spun, cones of wool, etc.  All loaded and headed to be O-zoned to remove the contamination.  I have a "rush" order on 7 balls of yarn to be delivered on Thursday.  Why you ask, because it is the yarn that needs to go out to the test knitters for a hat I just submitted to KnitPicks for consideration in their Independent Designer Program.  I even have a project on needles in a plastic project bag that is headed to the O-zone chamber.  I am going to have a heck of an organizational task when it all comes back.

The structural clean up crew will be here on Monday to begin work.  It is one heck of a way to do a pre-winter cleaning.  But when this is done, I will have clean air, clean walls, carpets, floors, clothes, bedding, painted ceilings, clean ducts, and an ongoing sense of gratitude.  It could have been so much worse.

As for my smoke alarm - gosh it doesn't work.  It is the hardwired kind, no batteries required.  That is also on the list of things to change immediately.

As for Nana and her seizure/tremors they continue, but I'm working on that.