Spelunking the Past

I have had some time on my hands of late, and have been going through boxes from storage. I have always been a journal keeper. But I have also been a keeper of correspondence, which I sometimes think is the more interesting memory walk. Apparently, I also am a great keeper of copies of letters I have written to others. I ran across a letter I typed to a friend regarding the nature of marriage and relationships. I wrote it almost 20 years ago. I find what I wrote then to be just as true today in my opinion. It is too long to quote in it's entirety here so I will break it up over the next couple of days.



A letter to a friend:



...There are always three entities not two in a relationship, the man, the woman, AND the relationship (This letter was a response to a discussion of an article about heterosexual dating).



...Security, dependency, imagination, compassion and a commitment to not only each other but to the relationship. There are acts that might benefit the other but would be unhealthy for the long term survival of the relationship......



There must be an underlying sense of security that the other is there for you. An underlying TRUSTWORTHINESS. Lies and deceptions will destroy the base on which everything else depends. The partners need to KNOW they are secure in the love of the other and that they won't be betrayed. Each must hold the well being of the other and the relationship in the forefront of their actions and behaviors. Oh yes, there will be unintentional hurts and misunderstandings, but if the foundation of trust is there than the hurts will heal. It is when trust is eroded that the hurts stay open and raw.



Tomorrow - the value of dependency.