Energy is Like Money

Energy is like money, there is only so much of it and when you run out - your broke.  Sometimes there are so many energy demands that we start borrowing against the future, living on credit until that house of cards just collapses and it is bankruptcy time.  We live in a culture that doesn't honor slowing down, doesn't honor doing one thing at a time and doing it well.  It is easy to overspend our energy just like it is easy to over spend our bank account.  All of our convenience items have just made us feel like we should be able to fit more things in the same block of time rather than taking the time/energy freed up to slow down and do something important like just sit and experience the moment we are in.  We indulge in distractions like checking our Facebook accounts, our email, twitter accounts, etc a dozen times a day. It is pseudo busy, we are to afraid to stop and do nothing.  We avoid ourselves by pretending to be engaged with others.  It is hard to be alone with oneself, it takes courage.  Some are more temperamentally suited to solitude than others, but I think that we all need to learn to honor time alone and become friends with ourselves.

I think about this because I find that becoming my father's caretaker and the demands that it brings has not only shipwrecked my life for the moment but has made me realize how precious time alone can be.  My oldest told me yesterday that I should keep a journal of this time with Grandpa.  "Just do it Mom" she commanded, "How hard can it be?"

"Really hard" I thought privately at the same time, hearing her need to have a record of this time, the funny, sad, good stuff that happens.  My dad, her grandfather has dementia and it is rapidly getting worse.  A couple of months ago he had no problem with turning on the TV with the remote.  He only watches one station.  Push the On button, Push the Off button.  Easy, peasy - except it isn't anymore.  I just helped him a moment ago find the Off button, because he couldn't identify it. 

A week ago he came into the kitchen and asked me if he had eaten everything he needed to. 
"Ah....you mean like lunch?'
"Yes"
"Yes, your fine, we just ate lunch and we're good until I serve tea around 3 pm."  He couldn't remember he had eaten half an hour earlier.

Which brings me back to energy is like money.  I am hoarding my energy as I try and manage two households and my dad's deteriorating mental status.  My daughter wants a journal and I guess for a while it might just be here.