Part 2 Integrity vs. Despair and the Meaning of Swimming Pools

Everything has two meanings.  The first meaning is generally its material purpose in the world.  A blanket is a useful material item that will keep you warm.  Its second meaning is symbolic, for example: that same blanket could have belonged to your grandmother and carries with it the memories of your time with her.  That ratty, ugly, acrylic thing may be difficult to get rid of because of its symbolic meaning rather than its material purpose.

The swimming pool is 25 years old. Dad has not cared for it at all for the last 2+ years. Every visit I made would find me sweeping, scooping leaves, adding water, chlorine and repeatedly backwashing. I would nurse the well along to get enough water in the pool to be able to backwash it and being happy when it rained and added water to the pool.  It had a closer resemblance to a green forest pond then a swimming pool.  In the last couple of months, the pool sweep motor has frozen, it has developed a leak in the grout so that water escapes to the skimmer line, it is expensive in terms of electricity, chlorine and diatomaceous earth, and very  labor intensive. In addition, the well is no longer able to pump enough water into the pool so that it can be backwashed which it needs regularly.  A month ago the well pump had to be pulled and 278 feet of pipe needed to be replaced along with check valves etc.  I didn't have the pump replaced, it was an added expense and money is in short supply.  I am trying to nurse this white elephant of a house along as best I can

 Dad has done nothing but complain about the pool to me for months:  "Worse idea I ever had".  Not really true, he loved it when the grandchildren were little and were in it with their friends; when it was a magnet for friends and neighbors and he was the only one on the block with a pool.

"I'm too lazy to maintain it".  True, Even before dad's recent health and cognitive decline he was never one for maintaining things.  Gary, the pool guy told me dad has been doing nothing but cursing the pool for years to him.

So, I made the decision to drain it. An empty pool can stay empty for years without harm if done correctly.  I called Gary the pool guy and asked if we can drain this thing in a safe, legal way that would maintain the integrity of the pool.  Yep, we sure can.

Well stupid me.  I'm thinking it is a simple matter of drain the pool, save money and move on.  No one is swimming in it or likely to.  I was not thinking of it as a symbol.  For three days I dealt with Dad's sense of loss, his poverty as a child, his relationship with his parents, and what might have been and how having "THINGS" defined his self worth.  Finally, in complete exasperation I said:  "Dad, I really don't think your obituary is going to be titled HE WAS A NICE GUY, BUT HE DRAINED THE POOL.  I got him to laugh at least.

A graduate professor once said one of the most important things we help individuals with is how to cope with loss - I think he was right.  Life is mostly about learning to let go.