Because Life Isn't Complicated Enough

I'm moving.   I've decided to invite the chaos of change in.  I don't like it one bit, but not moving I like even less.

I've spent the last two years taking care of my dad in Sonora. Last October he moved into full time memory care close to where I and my girls live.  I closed out his house and while there is still a lot of paperwork and things that need my oversight, his direct care is no longer mine to manage.  It is time to figure out what I want to do.

I have spent the last year in the mind game question of: "Do I buy or do I rent?"  Living in this condo was always meant to be a temporary thing that stretched out far longer than I imagined it would.  I've looked at houses and houses and condos and more houses, none of them have made my heart sing.  I have a fantasy of renting my way around the world.  I don't want a two week vacation. I want to go and live somewhere for three months or maybe a year.  I want the experience of exploring new places.   I want to know what it is like to live for a time on the Isle of Skye, Whidby Island, the Isle of Mann, Portugal and many more places.  I no longer want to be tied to a place, it is beginning to feel trapped, closed in and uncomfortable.  It may explain why I have an entire board on Pinterest devoted to narrowboats and gypsy caravans.  But I have too much stuff.  In addition, my stuff and I  have not lived under one roof for over eight years.  It's time to consolidate and begin the process of becoming unencumbered.  I am going to rent a house and sell the condo I live in. Renting a house will put me closer to the things I want: a yard for my dog, a garden, space for fiber art and a safer neighborhood.

I haven't rented since my mid twenties - it is very scary since I am a nester and like the security of owning.  But I want to channel my inner wanderer, but on my terms.  Step one is to change where I live, move all my stuff to one place and begin the winnowing process from under a single roof.   When you are focused on the needs of others, my dad for instance, it is hard to know what it is that you value.You drift without a great deal of focus taking care of one problem or crisis at a time.  You indulge in retail therapy (or at least I do), You look for distractions from your life rather than creating a life you want. I may not be going about it in the right way but my mistakes will teach me more than my successes ever will.

To every age there is a season and mine is the season of change.




PS  This move will still have me within one minute of my dad's memory care unit.  I haven't lost all sense of duty.