The Art of Distraction

I made a decision sometime ago to simplify my life and do only the things that are important.  Be careful what you ask for because there are all kinds of intended and unintended consequences.  I have discovered that most of us lead life's of simple distraction so that we really don't have to look deeply and think to ourselves WTF am I doing in my life!!  Existential crisis in the making. 

I am still in the process of slimming down the un-necessary in my life, but what I find is an inordinate desire to fill it up with shallow activity, like chasing some interesting butterfly across the Internet.  Amazing how much time can be spent repeatedly checking one's email.  And for the very first time I understand the dynamics of eating as a distraction.  I love food, but eating has in the past been a necessary inconvenience.  I was so busy I just wanted to swallow a pill and call it good so I didn't have to bother with the prep or clean up except on those occasions that I had calendered a real "food event".  Now the whole activity is becoming a shallow exercise in distraction, recently demonstrated by the trip to the store for bananas, heavy whipping cream and Ben and Jerry's ice cream in a flavor I haven't had before.  Not that I haven't eaten this particular concoction before, but it feels like an excuse rather then "Hey - I want ice cream" moment.

Both my children grew up with a tremendous ability to play and just enjoy what they are doing.  I grew up with a neurotic sense of having to perform.  I am trying to teach myself the art of play, but I have to trick myself into it.  I shall probably always be goal directed, needing to have a pragmatic reason to do something.  I make lists of things that I want to accomplish - but how many people put play on the list?  I think what I am discovering is that in the past I have been so busy juggling every thing I had to do, I didn't have to worry about being honestly committed to what I love doing.  Like the person that says "when I retire, I will......." but never actually commits to their dream in the only moment they have, which is this one.

Since life is a lesson in irony, I think it is time for me to let go of worrying about what I might not be doing and just commit more to what I love doing, without worrying about what others think.  Neuroticisim - who needs it.