In the Business of Secrets

My daughter read my blog and was somewhat noncommittal.
Well, I demanded: "What do you think?"
Em: "I think you are whining."
Me: "Well, I was trying to be partly amusing and besides it is the truth"

Em conceded the "slightly" amusing, but said just because it is the truth doesn't mean you have to say it. "People have STD's and that is true but you don't have to tell everyone. Besides it isn't like Jon is going to ever read it."

"Think I should send it to him?" I asked. She just gave me "the look". Our family is good at "the look".

I absolutely love it when my kids have internalized lessons that I have tried to teach. The two lessons here being:

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
and
Who's Story is it? (In other words you can always tell your own story, but you really don't have a right to tell someone else's story).

Being in the business of spelunking into people's personal lives (in case you didn't read the part where I said I was an MFT/psychotherapist) I have always been aware that our lives are stories that we tell to ourselves and to others. I have done a support group with a colleague for 6 years for caregivers. Mostly they are spouses dealing with a loved one that has Alzheimer's disease or some other progressive dementia. They live in a gated community where everyone knows everyone. Every time someone new joins we do the usual and customary disclosure at which we tell them that they are more then welcome to tell their own story to whomever they want - heck we don't care if they take a full page ad out in the local newspaper, but what gets said in the room stays in the room. Your free to tell your story anywhere/anytime but not a story that belongs to someone else. Other than that we will talk about anything and everything, and I mean everything.

So, yes- I am whining and yes I will try and remember the lessons that I tried to teach my own kids and only tell my own story. But I have to say that I personally find it very irritating when my kids have internalized my teachings sufficient to throw them in my face periodically - but I try to tell myself that this is just evidence of what a good parent I was (gag me).

But just as a side note. I worked for a program that paid T. and I to facilitate the caregiver support group. When the funding ran out T. and I continued to facilitate. We have done it for free for the last 2 years. This last Friday I told them I was no longer able to be there. With Jon having left the country and no income I am scrambling to find anything that will pay the bills. I can no longer guarantee that I will be there for them once a month. I may be asking people "if they want fries with that" instead. But for now T. will continue the group.