The Just World Theory

I once wrote that people would be a lot happier if they stopped worrying about what other people should do for them and thought about what they could do for others. 

The golden rule is: One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. That's it; no subtext, except we always seem to hold an unconscious addition or expectation that others will treat us in like kind. When this doesn't happen we often feel resentment, used, and somewhat betrayed.   I used to see this in relationships all the time.

The Just World Theory is a rather technical and complex theory in Psychology, but on a simpler level I think it is a belief there is a certain karmic tit for tat in the game of life; meaning if I am nice, nice things will happen to me.  In reality, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.  Now there is a certain karmic kickback - if you are a complete jerk and need a helping hand your not likely to get it from all the people you have really, really irritated recently. On the other hand you are more likely to get help if you've been nice.   I know I have consciously gone out of my to avoid someone I find a complete PITA* and don't spend any more time with than absolutely necessary.  I'm just not available, polite - but not available.


This subject came up as I listened to an individual tell me about all the ways they go out of their way for their friends and how their friends don't reciprocate in equal fashion, how stressed, put upon and resentful they were feeling after doing all these nice things that no one was thanking them for.  I felt like saying set some boundaries or get new friends, but I didn't.   On some level I think this complaint is really arrogant  Friends may ask, but we have the right to say no.  A friend's world doesn't revolve around making sure we have the energy, time or money for what they ask.  On the other hand, once we commit to a request we should see it through and not try and bail because it suddenly got inconvenient, like house sitting a friend's animals. 

I think making things special for others is wonderful - but not if your expecting some kind of payoff down the road.  It's not a bank account.  There is a certain martyrdom in always saying yes and then resenting when your friends are always asking you for stuff. If you can't accommodate a friend's request, just say so you will get greater respect.  Just because someone asks doesn't mean we have to agree.  We teach people how to treat us.  Boundaries are hard to set sometimes, but they can be learned with practice.   Finding the balance is the tricky part, be kind and generous to others, but also to ourselves.

Some people are just jerks, some are bottomless pits of needs, some are professional victims who's lives are crisis driven and are always needing a helping hand, but there are a whole lot of people who are really very nice - not perfect, but a very nice balance of goodness and imperfection.  I'll take this last group thank you very much. 

To use a gardening metaphor - pull the weeds and keep the good stuff, there isn't room to have everything in the garden plot and someone beside the weeds should be making the decisions; and it seems really dumb to then complain that the weeds are...well.....acting like weeds.

*PITA - pain in the ass

To Dog or Not to Dog, that is the Question

"Tempest Meet Teapot" says S.L.

My fiber guild board has just passed a vote stating that dogs need to be kept on a leash and by the individuals side during guild meetings and Spinning Saturday due to some individuals being allergic or afraid of dogs if I understood the issue correctly.  Keeping a dog by one's side is a reasonable request as opposed to having it roaming around the room.  I commend the board for taking a measured approach to this concern.  I'm not sure what sparked this discussion or decision on the part of the board to take a stand on the dog issue.  As anyone who knows me knows, I love dogs and have brought my own to the Spinning Saturday meetings as have several others.  My dog is a major PITA, being young and still needing to learn to be good in public, and I keep her leased there. I bring her as a training exercise and don't keep her there very long.  Her idea of greeting a new person is to launch herself at them like some kind of offensive tackle.  But dogs, like kids need to be courteous members of the group and not cruising the room, going through a person's personal items or pawing people. 

There has been some public dialogue that this is about having "clean air" and not have dogs because of airborne allergens, if this is part of the issue I personally find it ludicrous.  Spinning Saturday is a guild event that happens monthly at the local library.  Requesting dogs be barred because of air born allergens is, in my opinion goofy (or a serious control issue on someones part).  If you take 20 people spinning every fiber possible the air is going to be anything but clean.  It is a melting pot of allergens all airborne.   It is going to be filled with bits and pieces of wool, camel, tensel, rabbit, silk, lama, alpaca, and dog hair.  Yes, people spin dog hair - you can't tell me the air is clean or that people need to make sure a dog can't be there because of air borne allergens. If you are allergic to some kind of fiber, what the hell are you doing at a group meeting that will have fiber everywhere?  And then you are going to complain about it? 

My dog is my constant companion (yes, I do leave her at home sometimes) and I work hard to make sure that she continues to learn her social manners.   I think it completely reasonable for the guild board to request that dogs brought stay by the individuals side and be under leash or voice control.  I feel the same way about people who bring their kids to guild events.   People can be afraid of dogs and should not have to have some strange dog trying to sniff their crotch which is polite doggie behavior, but doesn't go over well with people. 

Again, I must commend the board on their measured approach to this issue,.  I think well behaved dogs should be allowed at meetings.  Well behaved being the operative word here.  But leave the airborne allergy card at home, it's a fiber meeting.  You might as well call it an airborne allergen meeting.  Next we will have people stating that members of the guild can only spin yak, because wool makes them sneeze.

Unfortunately, the public discussion just took a rather ugly and personal  turn for the worse this morning. 

The Elizabeth Warren Quote Every American Does Not Need To See

This poster quote was shared by a couple of friends who I like very much, but I sure don't like this quote.  Heck, I didn't even know who she was until I looked her up.  Then I got really cranky.

Who the heck does she think runs the factory?  It is someone paying taxes on the roads, education system, police and fire forces just like everyone else in that community does.  Each and everyone in that factory is probably paying some kind of tax. In addition the business is also paying taxes.  According to  A Comprehensive Evaluation of Massachusetts' Business Taxes    Business paid 51% of all local property taxes and 38% of all sales taxes collected in Massachusetts' fiscal year 2002.  Combines business related taxes accounted for 40% of Massachusetts's 25.3 billion state and local FY 2002 taxes.   I really doubt since 2002 Massachusetts has made owning a business a tax free affair.  On top of that the business provides jobs and money to employees that is spent in the community and has collateral benefits (money is spent at grocery stores, gas stations, etc).

And what is up with the implication that business don't give back to their communities.  This smacks a little of the question "So when did you stop beating your wife".  In my opinion any implied social contract exists in how they run their business, treat their employees, and their environmental footprint - not how they spend their disposable income.  And just who decides how it should be paid forward for the next kid that comes along?  I hope I'm wrong, but this kind of thing just smacks of arrogance and control issues over others. 

Some of the biggest business have foundations that provide money and give back to the community in truly amazing ways.  David and Lucile Packard* funded a huge part of the Monterey Bay Aquarium whose initial construction was 55 million dollars. Both daughters studied marine biology and they suggested to dad building an aquarium like no other.  Lucile Packard Children's Hospital was founded in 1991 after a $40 million donation in 1986 from David and Lucile Packard. I very much doubt this was the first or last donations this family has made to the community through their foundation.

Now you might not like fish or kids, but too bad.  Build a mega business and you can decide what you want to support within the community and you should not be sniped at by people on the sidelines who don't think you are giving enough or imply that you aren't giving at all.

I am really hoping that this quote is out of context of some larger more interesting discussion of business, taxes and social responsibility and not a cheap political sound bite to get elected.  Elizabeth Warren is an expert in bankruptcy - which might, if presented in a certain way, make her sound like someone that is helping people escape personal responsibility - but this woman has written over 100 scholarly articles and two books.  I'm guessing that she has a more knowledgeable, complex grasp of financial economics than most of us, things are always more complicated and entangled then they seem, but this quote smacks too much of demonizing business.  We need dialogue, not demonization. 

Just my opinion and now if you will excuse me I have a new knitting project to start.


* David and Lucile Packard  - Hewkett Packard company
Sources:  Wikipedia, AIM Foundation, and some website which interviewed David Packard and asked him why an Aquarium (totally didn't think of keeping it until after I decided to list sources).

Occupy This

The Occupy Wall Street Movement is growing and to be honest I haven't been following it.  But I have been around long enough to remember the anti war protests of the 1960s.   The Occupy Wall Street Movement according to Wikipedia:

The protests are against social and economic inequality, high unemployment, greed, as well as corruption, and the undue influence of corporations—particularly that of the financial services sector—on government. The protesters' slogan We are the 99% refers to the growing difference in wealth in the U.S. between the wealthiest 1% and the rest of the population.

Unfortunately, with all of these kinds of movements, people join for lots of different reasons and they often degenerate into a sort of infantile performance art.  People stop listening to each other, the other side becomes demonized, and people on both sides behave badly destroying the opportunity to have a dialogue that might actually solve some of the issues.  The real irony, in my mind, is in certain parts of the world our 99% would be the 1% in their world. 

Protesting is easy, change is hard - we need both.  But change has to come from us first.  Each and everyone of us is responsible for the social, economic inequality, greed and corruption.  Corporations are made up of people, each and every one of those people contribute to the greed and corruption that exists.  A corporation can not be corrupt or greedy if the people that are its life blood refuse to be greedy or corrupt. We are the problem, we are the corporations.  Each and everyone of us has to suck it up and take our own personal responsibility for the mess we have created.  Who did you cheat to day?  Who did you lie to today?  Did you buy the cheap factory farmed, de-beaked chicken breasts because they were on sale and cheaper than the humanely raised chickens that cost more?  It is easy to look the other way when it benefits us. Both chicken raisers might be a form of corporation, but which one are you helping to survive?  A corporation in and of it self is not necessarily evil.

Everyone needs to wake up and realize that you have more power than you know, it is in your pocket book and in your integrity.  Look around, follow the reduction of harm model, pick one thing that you could do different that would benefit our world.  There is no them and us, them is us.  

So protest if you must, but don't break the law to do it, and besides your 15 minutes of fame for being a protester, what are you really doing to help?  Do you have your own greed and corruption handled?  I'm just curious.

We Have Met The Enemy And He Is Us